STUDIOKITCHEN

New Rule #55 Associated Flavors Are Not Intrinsic Flavors.

New Rule #55

OLD BAY SEASONING IS NOT CRAB.

So last week I go this unnamed place  and everyone says you have to try the crab fries, So I sit back waiting for a heaping bowl of fries covered with crabmeat, provolone cheese and doused with Americaine sauce (ha ha) but instead I get french fries covered with Nasty Old Bay seasoning. There is nothing I despise more than old bay, in fact for that reason when I go to Washington DC I have to fly so I am not anywhere remotely near Baltimore or the Chesapeake Bay. Makes me gag.

Anyway they should be called old bay fries since there actually is NO crab in it. Obviously we have visited this conversation ad-nauseum with the truffle oil discussion.

So there.

Comments have been disabled for this post, it is what it is.

New Rule #54

PRESSURE COOK EVERYTHING AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

New Rule #53. Reverse Elitism, Pretense and Progress.

Miles Davis died today several years ago and as I listened to an anthology of his music over the years, I paid closer attention to that phase in his music that generated a lot of negative reaction from the purists. It makes me think about a certain realm of criticism in the world of food writing today. Anyone today can  basically be a food writer thanks to the internet and shrinking newspaper budgets. Forget about budgets, newspapers period may be extinct in 5 years or less if the evolution of information dissemination continues at the current pace. While I am not suggesting it is an easy profession, I do find it odd that the current economy and the focus on all things "homey",comforting and nurturing is resulting in a sort of reverse elitism towards anyone or anything that still strives to be innovative.

Every innovator in cookery in this country today and I refer to the Grant Achatzs, the Alex Talbots, the Wylie Dufresnes and the Sean Brocks, every one of these types of people came to the party with a deep history of completely conventional work that they have successfully built on to craft a way forward for themselves. While the work is praised for the most part and is certainly not for everyone's tastes or wallets, there frankly is no reason to disparage what you are predisposed not to like.

People focus on the specifics of modern structural ingredients and use terms like "meat glue" for transglutaminase while they have been eating Mcnuggets since they were 2 years old or drinking their local beers at gastropubs with "truffled fries" laced with copious amounts of synthetic truffle extract. Seriously what is "pretentious food". Gee I wonder what holds the chicken together in chicken nuggets or what gets the batter to stick to the "chicken"

My point is we have to see the forest for the trees and progress cannot be cut off at the knees because in virtually all cases it reeks of hypocrisy.

New Rule #53

See The Forest For The Trees.

Innovation is not static and it filters down.

Someone has to go further for all of us to be better.

New Rule #52

New Rule #52.

Fine Dining is not Dead.

It is just being reconfigured, the usual bullshit trappings like fish forks, 12 kinds of bread options, American Waiters from Brooklyn with fake French inflected accents, table chargers, gratuitous floral arrangements, Michelin stars, table-side plating, flambeing anything anywhere on the premises especially the dining room, ad-nauseum celebrity chef restaurant type pre-dining instructions on how to consume dishes, the use of any phrase by waiters that starts with "chef prefers......", solicitous eye contact, among several others.

Think on a case by case basis, a $125 tasting menu at Eleven Madison Park may be a better value than multiple small sharing plates at your "small plates tapas venue" after you factor in the 2 pizzas and couple of hot dogs you eat at Grey's Papaya on your way home.

Fine Dining was and always will be about Fine Food.

What is happening is we are dispensing with the draperies, no more window dressing.

FINE DINING VOLUME 2.0

New Rule #51

Exactly who came up with the idea that the word "Vanilla" is best suited for generic and unexciting experiences ?

How much more profoundly inappropriate can a synonym be.

It is only available from 3 very exotic places, It's best replacement tastes like crap and it may be the 2nd most expensive spice ingredient only exceeded by Saffron.

It makes chocolate better.

It's expensive as sin.

There is no creme brulee for the most part without it unless you happen to like Italian desserts.

Some even take the leap of faith to serve it with shellfish, perhaps going a bit too far in my opinion.

We are a world that increasingly cannot appreciate anything without gratuitous stimuli.

Even realtors describe pre-occupancy basic construction as "vanilla box"

My top 3 ice creams are

Vanilla.

The second best is vanilla without the vanilla in it aka "Fiore de Latte" as in Mozzarella Ice Cream.

Verbena.

New Rule #51

Vanilla deserves respect.

Chanterelle Mushroom Jus

Though I don't  reducing stocks in the classical sense since it is neither time nor cost effective, I am not particularly a fan of saucing with gels and oils either.

The pressure cooker continues to be an excellent way of extracting deep flavored well stratified juices from just about anything.

Pressure Cooked:

Lightly caramelized Chanterelles.

Onion

Garlic

Soy

Mirin

Parsnip Brulee

Colatura

Strained and viscosity adjusted with Ultratex.

Intense mushroom flavor that does not  compete with meat yet defines a complimentary presence.

New Rule #50

This is a milestone.

I started "New Rules" as a rant platform that was mostly supposed to be humorous but behind the rules were real messages and discussions. It was not however meant to be taken super seriously thus a few incidents of hate mail from a few cry babies who felt singled out.

New Rule #50.

Cook With Moxie !

"Moxie" is a combination of :

Dedication

Competence

Chutzpah

Integrity

Bravado

Energy

And letting the chips fall where they may after all that.

Your grandmother's middle name was Moxie (on your mothers side)

Why do a half-ass job......or is the correct grammar "half-assed" ?

Believe in your food.

Moxie let's you make the food work no matter what's in it.

Just don't add any feta cheese or vanilla to the bloody crustaceans.

New Rule #49

New Rule # 49, Inspired by a very annoying establishment in  whose name  is the first half of a popular grilled seafood item that has eight tentacles and is not cuttlefish.

THUS: New Rule #49.

IF you charge a "$10 cover charge" to enter your establishment at anytime while your kitchen is open, YOU are NOT a restaurant, you are a bar or nightclub that pretends to serve food.

New Rule #48

Time for a new rule.

I was in a conversation with a guest of a client last night who was on the precipice of being annoying while I was trying to cook.
He kept asking me about the "logic" of my compositions and while I scrapped for eloquent answers, I was thinking.....Dude It's just food !

I have never been one to seek validation with bs answers.

Pardon the vulgarity, I am not quite sure there is a better word to communicate the frustration in these kinds of situations besides bs.

 My mind wandered back to my Deepak Chopra classes hence new Rule #48....adapted for chefs....and cooks !
Resist any temptation to allow your sanity and mental comfort to be attached to others accepting your point of view.

One of the most meaningless yet profound statements in mankind and womynkind.

New Rule #48

It is what it is.

New Rule #47

New rule #47.

You cannot ask me for money when I am BUYING stuff from you.

You cannot even buy food in peace anymore, what the hell is up with this annoying precedent of retail stores panhandling from their own customers with a mixture of guilt and manipulation.

#1 offender : WHOLE FOODS.
Why do I need to be asked every time to buy an overpriced "reusable" bag or make a donation to a charity championed by a grocery chain that is already in the minds of some customers a rip off ?
They make money on the bloody bags and make it seem that they are doing anyone but themselves a favor.

EVEN.....Ikea wants you to "Donate a dollar" to save a vaguely discussed tree that Dick Cheney is resting under at some undisclosed location.

Stores soliciting donations at the cash register is hypocrisy, if you are not going to allow homeless people to wander the aisles asking customers for money then you should not do it too.
The excuses are basically the same.
Unverified stories.