An epiphany.
It is now exactly 6.02AM EST.
I just woke up from a dream that prompted this post.
One of the most important aspects of communication and leadership is the importance of words, words are powerful beyond thier definitions. As words stay with you, you process and seek the true meaning and message in the bottle.
In the restaurant business and perhaps other aspects of life, there is a history of what I consider an ineffective style of leadership.
Chefs and leaders in general who yell to a communicate instructions and displeasure.
Screaming achieves nothing, emotion is good without which there will be no passion.
In many ways there is even a greater danger of allowing this behavior to come into your personal life.
In times of displeasure and disappointment, I have always felt that one needs to stop momentarily, think and assess the situation before an emotional outburst.
Screaming and yelling achieves very little but to communicate fear, fear is never the basis of true learning, focus or understanding. We all have in many ways in both our professional and personal lives been guilty of emotional outbursts. Emotional outbursts are not limited to verbal exchanges, the written word in many cases can be stronger than the spoken one but at the end of the day, memory and reference will do the same damage. That damage is that those on the other side of your words internalise the wrong message.
It is important to communicate displeasure in the interest of honesty and expectations, it is equally important to do it in a respectful pragmatic way. Despite how wronged we may feel in our personal lives or what actions we are trying to discourage, it is clearly easier to hold people's hands and bring them with you as opposed to push them.
Stop and think about what you are ultimately trying to achieve, the easiest point from A to Z is a straight line. A straight line has no diversions.
Screaming, yelling, insults and a lack of protocol even if justified by bad or incompetent behavior are all diversions.
In times of good behavior, be generous with your praise, in times of bad behavior be restrained and honest with your criticism. It's might be OK to yell at people, it's definitely not OK to yell at a person in front of other people. Scorched earth policies rarely result in anyone rising from the ashes. After you do express your displeasure, it is wise to deal with it and move on, continous references to bad behavior is a diversion. Diversions do not allow growth. Forgiveness allows growth.
In many ways I myself have been guilty of this in the past both professionally and privately. I grew up in the "oui chef" generation and it will end today.
At the end of the day, in every argument or negative exchange, even if one person is clearly wrong, two people are definitely not listening to each other.
That is the challenge we face as leaders, friends, lovers and members of society.
Rule #12.
Stop, think, pay attention to your words.
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